Sucks To Suck

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For those of us old enough to have used a VCR, let us rewind to a time when life was good for the Quack Attack. It was January 2015. The boys in green from Eugene were 12 and 1 in 2014 and headed into their Rose Bowl match-up against Florida State, led at the time by none other than current Tampa Bay Buccaneer quarterback Jameis Winston. Winston had never lost a game operating the Seminole offense from the time he took his first snap as a Freshman. Winston was a sure top ten draft choice and was entering his second consecutive College Football playoff a little shakier than he had his prior season in 2013 as Heisman Trophy winner. Nonetheless, the Noles entered the game favored despite their cross-country trip to Cali and many felt Winston would outshine his opponent that day, 2014 Heisman award winner Marcus Mariota. It was never even that close. Mariota and the Duck offense struck relentlessly in the second half, the half that the Seminoles had used many times during those two seasons to carry themselves back into games, and the undersized Oregon defense forced five FSU turnovers to route the defending National Champions 59 to 20. What a wonderful day for the Beaver State. The very next week Mark Helfrich and Oregon were clobbered in the National Championship game by f*** face Urban Meyer and his Ohio State Buckeyes 42 to 20. That night in Arlington we just thought we watched a superior Buckeye team claim the crystal hardware, but many of us, including myself, did not know we were watching the newest Pac 12 football empire crumble and implode.

Now we fast forward to October 2016. The Oregon Ducks are sitting at a record of 2 and 4. Wait, what? The Ducks have lost their last four consecutive games. Their opponents were Nebraska, Colorado, Washington State, and Washington respectively. Although on paper that should be their hardest stretch of games during the season, they still very likely may end up missing bowl season if they cannot right the ship soon under Helfrich and start playing quality team football again. Coincidentally enough, Oregon lost a total of four games last season as well. They are now going all in on Freshman quarterback Justin Herbert to be their teenage savior. How did this all happen so fast though? I have a few ideas. In 2015, former offensive coordinator Scott Frost resigned and left Eugene to become head coach of the Central Florida Golden Knights. The past two years since losing Marcus Mariota to the NFL Draft they have brought in graduate transfers from the FCS (Division 2 for us old farts) to lead an offense that was once the most dynamic in the country under Frost. Speaking of once dynamic, remember Chip Kelly? Yeah, that same Chip Kelly that once made Pete Carroll shit himself at USC. Chip built Oregon into the new western power and left his offensive coordinator Mark Helfrich in control as he went off to the NFL to become head coach in Philly. After some issues with their players and higher ups, he now dons red and gold on the sideline in San Francisco. Kelly recruited many of the kids that brought Oregon to the Promised Land during the 2014 season. Since losing to OSU in Jerry Jones’ Church of Football, the Ducks are 11 and 8 under Helfrich as Oregon’s head coach. It must be amazing to have Nike create any kind of uniform combination a person can imagine for each game to look that good and be so mediocre. I’m calling it now: we are watching the end of this Duck Dynasty. Hey, at least Helfrich still has that fat five year $17.5 million dollar contract to enjoy. Sucks to suck.